One Hundred Thousand Walls Can Keep America's Schoolchildren Safe

February 23, 2018

The 100,000 School Wall Project

 

Walls can keep America’s schoolchildren safe. Big, beautiful walls. Walls of brick, stone and stucco. Walls with the Trump logo. If we pray, these walls will be built.

 

China has the Great Wall. It’s kept invaders at bay for centuries. Israel has a wall. It’s caged the Palestinians in. To keep its schoolchildren safe, America needs 100,000 walls. Walls to seal off the country’s K-12 public schools. The plan will be called the School Wall Project (SWP). Jared Kushner can manage it. The work can jump to the top of his “honey-do" list, ahead of brokering Middle East peace, renegotiating NAFTA, using data and technology to reform government, directing the President’s infrastructure plan, modernizing the VA, solving the opioid crisis, implementing criminal justice reform, and playing liaison to Mexico and China.

 

Trump can incorporate the SWP into his infrastructure plan. Like FDR’s WPA scheme enacted in 1933, the SWP can create millions of good paying jobs. Ruled by capitalism, back-slaps, and future considerations, some walls may be bigger and more beautiful than others. That means, super, fantastic, impenetrable walls may not be feasible for every one of the nation’s 14,000 school districts. Some walls will be fences, some will be slats. Spools of barbed wire can make these barriers nearly as safe as the rich kids’ walls.

 

Not to favor public schools, wall costs incurred by our 33,000 private schools will be 100% tax deductible. To ensure that future leaders in wall design and manufacturing are recruited from among the brightest minds, wall scholarships can be awarded by these learning institutions. Wall technologies can then trickle down to our public institutions.

 

Private prison operators like Corrections Corporation of America, the Geo Group, Inc., and Management and Training Corporation can construct and secure the walls. In exchange for legal status limbo, registered DACA recipients will be forced to work building the walls. Assets seized from MS-13 and other bad dudes will fund the SWP. 

 

No wall would be complete without additional safeguards. Fortunately, Mr. Kushner can partner with Education Secretary Betsy DeVos, who in turn can work hand-over-fist with her brother, Erik Prince, a weapons and tactical warfare specialist. Mr. Prince’s appropriately named company, Academi, can consult with administrators and provide security for special affairs like sporting events, dances and plays.

 

Self-reliance will be our last wall of defense. Legislation will be passed that requires teachers and administrators to be armed within these school walls. They will train students in weapons mastery. Target practice will become central in the nation’s physical education curriculum. For the sake of safety first, super-thick bouncy rubber walls will line the offices of principals and other administrators.

 

Nothing Can Stop Us

 

Once we have walls within a wall within our school walls, nothing can stop us from keeping America’s schoolchildren safe. But we must be vigilant. Schools of impressionable children have marched on state capitals demanding commonsense gun laws. They must be stopped before their counterparts, older naïve souls are motivated to act. Next, they’ll band together and demand universal healthcare.

 

The slope is slippery. Such fools don’t appreciate that these killers are sophisticated, tricky bastards who come armed to the teeth. But once inside the comforts of the SWP, snowflakes will understand that walls keep harsh elements out, especially psychopaths. Walls can keep America’s schoolchildren safe.

 

Drones, you ask? America can implement no-fly zones over every school. Problem solved.

 

Then again, Berlin had a wall. It was referred to as the “Wall of Shame.”

 

Amen.

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